I've spent a lot of time on committees. Now, maybe I'm sharp, or maybe I'm just narrow-minded. But I know I'm abrasive. It didn't take too long to realize that there is some dynamic, some chracteristic of mine, that makes people want to disagree with me. It's some pompous, arrogant, talk-down-to style that I'm not really aware of. If you insult someone, they will disagree with you regardless of what you say or what they think. (I've been working on the interpersonal style, without massive success.)

So I've also realized that whenever I offer an idea, it is highly likely to get ignored or blown off and generally discarded, sometimes with a lot of disdain. BUT I've also learned that if it is a good idea, I don't need to get angry or frustrated because in the next meeting, or the one after, someone else will suggest it and everyone will cheer and go for it. Which is what I was after. They just had to think it over, and it had to come from a less problematic source. So I wait, and I succeed.

Consider the alternative. I make my suggestion, and everyone gets uncomfortable at the way I said it, and looks at me funny. Then they change the subject. So I make it again, louder, same result. Then I get angry and start to insult people. They get angry back. Argh, holler, shouting match, statements like "over my dead body" and I come away defeated, and having pretty much guaranteed that the idea that started this will never, ever see the light of day. Not to mention the collateral damage.

Lesson, and listen very carefully to this one: if you are in an adversarial position with someone, it is a virtual certainty that you can get what you want, peacefully, with much less expense, by defusing the situation. Give in for now. Time is on your side. Things that make sense are hard to resist. It will take you longer. But if you insist on bulling through, you probably will get less, and the cost will be much much higher.

That hill may be worth dying on, but the point isn't to die on that hill. The point is to CAPTURE it.

You are ideally positioned to figure this out in one of two ways: the hard way, or the easy way. But hearts harden. That window won't stay open.

I'm yakking at you because I love you (both) very much.