For our 25th anniversary 3 1/2 years ago we went to Italy. That's where I saw Smart cars. You've probably seen them now, either on movies or TV or even on the road as they have begun selling them in the US.

I flipped. I totally want one. When they finally became available in the US there was a huge waiting list but it was only $100 to get on, so I said What The Hey and signed up. They gave me a date about 18 months out.

Well, the date has come in a lot, and a few weeks ago they said it would be between Feb and April of 09. So I had to start dealing with actually paying for one of the things.

It isn't that expensive, for a new car, but this is not a great financial time for us. We have lots of big financial commitments- college, looming weddings, you know, big stuff. And the overall economy is a mite scary. The exercise of trying to wedge a car into all that early next year is mighty tricky.

So I thought and I scribbled and I punched a calculator, and the bottom line was that we could probably do this, but it would be risky and we would not be able to do it the way we like to do things.

To summarize, I was faced with a hard decision that I was not at all impartial about. And the thing I wanted to do was actually a bad idea, but it looked like I could probably pull it off anyway. So there was a couple weeks of trying to persuade myself. The defining thing about it, though, is that I did know it was a bad idea, and so the internal discussion kept coming back to how I probably could pull it off anyway, and hoped we could not have any bad luck financial while we were vulnerable, that sort of thing.

I finally had to face up to it: I want a Smart. It's a bad idea. I can't have one. Drop it. This is quite disappointing, BUT I FELT BETTER IMMEDIATELY ANYWAY. The thing about making the right choice is, even if you hate it, it's still the right choice, and that means a lot. The mental energy of trying to talk yourself into the bad idea is taxing and when it goes away you feel better instantly.

This isn't the first time in my adult life that I've been in that situation. I don't imagine it will be the last. And as far as I can tell, it isn't getting easier.