You
ever seen Lawrence Welk? As a social phenomemon he was hard to define. My best
shot would be “escapist eye-candy for the World War II generation”. Lawrence
was a Scandahoovian immigrant from North Dakota, a sort of big-band leader. He
was gentle and pleasant and had this quaint accent that made you think of all
things clean and white. He was the host of a music show.
He had
a small army of singers and musicians. They were all clean-cut and
good-looking, but in that uncomfortable, plastic, Mormon-missionary sense.
Mostly they were Nice Young Persons although there were a few Nice Old Persons.
They would smile like ninnies and sing songs that only people 30 years their
elders could possibly enjoy. But you could tell that there was no place they
would rather be, and that they were all insanely happy to be standing there in
their conservative, well-pressed retro clothing, with their straight teeth and
neat hair and shiny shoes, singing all these creaky old songs they Loved So
Well. They even had a Nice Young Colored Person or two to show that we all get
along. Otherwise, they all appeared to be Caucasians from flyover country who
paid their taxes and drove Buicks. Welk was big. He was real big. They are
STILL playing reruns of Lawrence Welk on PBS, and the dude has been dead for
like, 20 years.
We have
some dear friends who ranch cattle North of Spokane. They are the parents of a
college friend. A bunch of us were up there one Saturday night back in the day,
and they turned Lawrence Welk on. We hooted and crowed and mocked, until we
turned around and saw the stricken faces of our hosts. OK, that was a lesson in
decorum. Thing is, Norma has more musical talent in her finger than the rest of
us do, combined. Yet, she likes this stuff. How can this be? It's not about
music, that's how.
Welk
hit his peak in the 60s and 70s. This was a time when most people who were the
ages of his musicians were dropping acid, burning their undergarments, and
generally trying to demonstrate what happens when you substitute adolescent
stupidity for the wisdom of the ages. It seems clear that Welk’s success is due
to the escapist value he presented to the previous generation. They won the
war, came home, and presided over the biggest cultural meltdown since the book
of Judges. What happened? Where did they go wrong? It was all so confusing.
What were they to do? Turn on Lawrence Welk and dream about how it could have
been, that’s what. Dream that somewhere, that’s how it really was.
I
absolutely could not bear the Lawrence Welk show. It was like fingernails on a
blackboard. But I have my own private Lawrence Welk. It’s teen movies.
Hollywood churns them out about 2 per month. I love them. The crises are all
drummed up and not really vital- not like anyone is going to die or get
dismembered. They’ll just feel bad or miss the prom. Everyone is good looking
and healthy. They all dress well. Even the bad guys are either actually good,
or disposable. We always get resolution and a happy ending. Urk! How, you will
ask, can I stand that stuff? Like the previous generation and Lawrence Welk, I
watch the movies FOR that stuff. It’s pure, packaged escapism. In real life,
all those teen actors come from broken homes. They’re sleeping with the
director and snorting coke. But not in the movie. Everything is pretty safe in
the movie, and trust me, it’s going to be fine in the end. Even the promiscuity
is fun and safe and not infectious. For just a while, there, life is in
control.
I have
three defenses. First, the characters in the movies do not dress the way their
parents do. No, many actual Young Persons can be seen dressed approximately
that way. Second, they don’t act like plasticine zombies on Paxil. They are
fake, but not as fake as Lawrence Welk’s singing mannequins. Third, the music
is much better. Much, much better.
Otherwise,
guilty as charged.
With
Norma, it wasn't about the music. With me, it's not about the sheer cinematic
virtuousity. So, if my parent's generation was escaping from the cultural
meltdown raging around them, from what am I escaping?
to be continued,,,