(I really miss you, dear. Won't you come back?)

A couple churches back I had a very good friend who also happened to be the associate pastor. The senior pastor was just fantastic, but my friend still complained about him a fair amount. People tend to gripe about their bosses I guess. Then the senior pastor went away to be a missionary and we got a NEW senior pastor who was a real control freak. I mean, he had to supervise and dictate the paper towel purchases. This was really hard on my friend. (After awhile it got pretty hard on me, too, but you can imagine what it was like working for this guy.) My friend did manage to outlast the control freak, although it wasn't pretty. But over time I began to notice other things about my friend. When we went camping he would really complain about the ranger. He always had a major gripe with the people at Presbytery level. He even was crossways with the people who ran the local church camp. It seemed that he had to buck everybody who had some kind of authority. I began to realize that it wasn't just about the control freak- it was also about my friend.

Lesson 1: If someone has a problem with a given authority, it's likely (not necessary, but likely) that they are going to have a problem with every authority. Like in adulthood 11, the problem travels with you.

Then my friend got his own church. I figured that would solve it. But it didn't. He lasted several years, although it was extremely hard for him. Then he switched churches and the new church folded before too long. Thing is, he's a fantastic, gifted guy. But this problem of his brought him down. Now he installs windows.

So why was it still a problem when he had his own church? He was his own boss, right? Problem solved, right?

But there is very little difference between authority and obligation. If people have authority over you, you have to obey. But if they DON'T, there are still a million obligations. You have to be civil. You have to give them the benefit of the doubt. You have to listen. If they are your parishoners, you have to care for them when they need help. Think about that last one. When my friend was an associate, if the senior pastor told him to help Frank Smith, my friend would cop an attitude about being bossed around. But when my friend became the senior pastor, Frank Smith was telling him to help Frank Smith. And he copped an attitude anyway. In a very real sense, EVERYBODY has authority over us.

Lesson 2: if someone has a problem with a given authority, it is likely (not necessary, but likely) that they are going to have a problem with anybody who doesn't do what they want and say what they say.

In more recent years I have had more friends, and friendships of longer duration because I have been learning this lesson. Still not many, still not of long duration, but improving.